I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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