Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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