Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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