Already got asked if we're dating
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
