Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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