Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
