mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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