Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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