So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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