Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
