If that was your dad, he is hot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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