Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
