those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
