Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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