i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There r osticjed everywhere
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
