she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
