Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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