he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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