Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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