im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
