YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
