party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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