my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
