what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
