You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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