So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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