Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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