Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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