Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
