if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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