I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
