he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
