Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there is glitter all over my balls
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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