Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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