I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
