it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
