): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
