I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
