My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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