Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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