batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
