nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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