I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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