On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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