So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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