She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
