Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
