Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
