Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
