4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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