And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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