I think my fart just growled at me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
