I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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