Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
