Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
