my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
