He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
