Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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