Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
