This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
