Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
where does the pee come out of this thing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
