if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
