your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
