how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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