Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
this is an emotional support booty call
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
