dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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