It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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