you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
