kristin has been a bad kristin
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
