I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
