You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
