I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
