Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
