I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
