I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
