After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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