i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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